A long while. I’ve gotten productive during this Covid state of affairs. I posted a story on a blog on WordPress years ago and have recently began some serious editing. I haven’t seen any of my siblings or cousins who I once saw during holidays and even weekends. So writing is on my front burner where it should have always been. Thanksgiving is going to be almost a curbside occasion with children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren not visiting so much as stopping by, wearing masks and grabbing food in to-go containers. I guess it’s better than not seeing them at all, though there will be many I won’t see. Birthday gatherings and graduations have been via Zoom meetings but that has it’s perks when the meetings are nationally held. So you take the good where you can, look beyond the bad and count your blessings. Happy Thanksgiving to all.
I’m at work, washing my hands in my client’s kitchen and I have this thought. You see, there has been no communication between me and Chris since my poetry and his money request. So I want to post to messenger, this thought, ‘During the day, your mind is full of distractions. At night,
in the stillness of dreams, questions unanswered will form. While awake amid the sleeping hours, if you listen to your heart, there are the what ifs, the maybes, honesty. You see clearly, finally. All is revealed, in the midnight hour.’
This is what I want to post, and what I will post. It’s all a lie though, because I didn’t dream questions, and I sit here now thinking the answer to the ‘why’ of me and Chris is…
“Insanity,” says my mind.
Wow. Where did that come from? I didn’t even know that my mind was awake. I’m just barely awake myself.
“I never sleep,” says my mind, “Why do you think we’re so tired all the time?”
I figure, take a swig of coffee and start drinking some Pepsi.
“Or just stand up,” says my mind.
I talked to Andrew today, about our cousin’s death. Andrew mentioned the possibility of genetics with the causes of death in our family. Strokes and such. He says he’s been warned that it can happen to him. Also blindness and Diabetes complications.
“So Chris is nothing compared to that stuff, right?”
You’re right, I tell my mind. Chris is nothing compared to a lot of stuff going on in this family. Still, I can’t flush him from my system.
“Yeah,” says my mind. “Something as simple as shutting down messenger. So what if he doesn’t try to reach you some other way. Kill it quickly.”
Now I have to smile. My mind and it’s dramatics. It does have a point. I talked about Chris and the frequency of his (phony?) break-up concerns, but how about my ‘shut down messenger’ thoughts. It’s all getting annoying, tired, old, boring, STUPID!!!!!
“Yes. Very,” says my mind. “And do we have to end it? Do we have to say goodbye? Why can’t we just let it go? You know, like the couple of one night stands you had in your past life. You even left relationships without a backwards glance, left them wondering where you went. Left them with a ‘What. Really?!! To coin Chris again.”
I smile again. I love my mind. Too bad the two of us together are still indecisive. I don’t know. I guess I get some kind of something or other from hearing from Chris now, but not at the cost of me chasing a response anymore. There was the shadow thought of my mind earlier.
“Yeah. The thought that floated away half conceived. Wait, what was the thought?”
Now we both have to pause, my mind and I.
I remember. This, after about ten minutes.
“So do I,” says my mind. “No alarm, just an ‘if we don’t hear from Chris by…’ cut off point. A deadline. Then we shut down messenger.”
You’re right mind. That was it.
“So, what’s the shut-off date? Lol. Like your water.”
Lol. That’s not funny mind, that’s not funny at all.
“You want to get your little black book?”
Got it. July 4th.
“Independence Day it is. Are we still doing the post?”
Not sure. Unless I can do it here on the tablet.
“Let’s try it.”
I guess I’m not the only hopeless romantic.
“I don’t know about the romantic part, lol.”
More than an hour later, maybe two, we did the post. So we’ve done our part.
“I feel our heart beat racing. Is this what ‘love dying’ feels like?”
I don’t know mind of mine. I don’t know.
There are quite a few Christmas movies I could list. Of course
makes the list….the black and white version.
Then there’s a little known film
but my all time favorite is and
always will beThis movie introduced me to Natalie Wood. She was 12 years older than me and I felt so close to her. I have seen every movie she’s in that I could find. When she died I went into mourning and felt I had been cheated out of the chance to meet her. Had I had been as savvy before her passing as I am now…I know I would have met her somehow. That is why “A Miracle on 34th. Street” has the number one Christmas movie spot in my heart.
He could be going to church, or he could be just crossing the street.
The twinkle in your eyes hid the lies you fed me that I swallowed like chocolate while staring at your dimples the bitter after taste coming much too late.
I’m in my kitchen frying chicken and thinking about the feelings brought forth by Chris. It makes me realize that you’re never too old to fall in love for the first time. My mind speaks up.
“You can be so careless with our heart sometimes.”
You’re one to talk.
My mind and I at it again.
So I’m in my kitchen and thinking about Kel’s broccoli beef. I’d mentioned this to my family and showed them Kel’s dish. They wanted stir fry then and there. Well we didn’t have beef, broccoli or soy sauce. We had chicken and gravy over rice instead. Last night we finally had the broccoli beef and it was a hit. We all love broccoli and this fed the family with left overs that I took to work.
Thank you Kel for the idea. They’re already asking for more.
Here is the link to Kel’s post where you’ll find her receipe and picture. https://insidekelskitchen.files.wordpress.com/2016/08/img_1206.jpg
Kitchen Blog: In Sync/April 24, 2014
So I’m at Mercy Hospital and I’m waiting for Jha to get out of school. Does Tim Horton’s have a kitchen?
Anyway, I just had a coffee from there, and I was talking to Pinky about my writing progress, or lack thereof. So I have decided to do the Michael story and it is a finished life, so this should be easy right? I’m listening mind. Isn’t this your cue? No advice, no commentary?
“This isn’t syncing.”
Now my mind wants to talk, and it’s right, this isn’t syncing. The PC, my tablet, my phone. They’re not syncing with the Evernote app.
Okay, it took a little bit of time, but we’re synced. Not my mind and I, sometimes we do sync, but right now, I’m talking about my electronics.